Siri, When Will I Marry?

“Lonely, ain’t it?
Yes, but my lonely is mine. Now your lonely is somebody else’s. Made by somebody else and handed to you. Ain’t that something? A secondhand lonely.” 

― Toni Morrison, Sula

This year, it’s only about 6 of us that they didn’t propose to, and yes, I’m one of them.

Honestly, I think everyone could use a lighthearted and joyful story especially with the craziness this year has been. This  is the time of year where everyone has someone they’re planning on kissing at midnight on New Years Eve. And this is the time of the year for thinking, reminiscing and nostalgia. Unsurprisingly, I have nobody I’m even moderately interested in. Just Yommie and vibes. But, this isn’t a ‘woe is me’ tale or a sad story because I’m actually pretty happy. Writing this story filled me with a lot of joy and hope for what is to come. Above all, possibilities. When I narrated the story to Jenny I was actually blushing. So, do what you may with that piece of information😂.

This is a sequel to My Valentines love story centered around my French boo, Serge and I. So, if you haven’t read that please definitely do just for context. Honestly I didn’t think I’ll be writing a sequel, gosh. I met some interesting people this year, and I kept saying oh this might be the one abi is this him or this is him I’m sure. But thankfully none of that worked out which I’m grateful for. So, here we are with another fictitious fairytale. Plus, in my defense there was a pandemic😂. Enjoy the story please.

*Phone rings*

Hello mummy?

Hello Yommie, this one that you and Sege have been engaged for how many months hmm. Hope it’s not Lord of the rings you people want to do? We want to plan wedding o.

*Sigh*, mummy first of all it’s Sergé not Sege, and we will have the wedding, we are just taking our time ma.

Hmm Yoms okay o, because my friends are gingering, a fe se parry.

Okay mummy, soon ma.

It’s December, Serge and I have been engaged for what? 9 months and it’s been beautiful. I mean, we have our days, he refuses to put the toilet seat down. He abhors the fact that I never close the fridge properly. Truly, I’ll rather fight these battles. I couldn’t have asked for a better and more refined lover. Serge and I decided to take our time to plan a wedding meant for both of us, a beautiful and intimate wedding. Erm, yeah, that’s what we’ve been up to.

Serge wants a destination wedding, maybe Paris where his family lives. Or, somewhere neutral and beautiful like The Vatican City, Rome. Oh well, I, Yommie(Alhaja Gold), I want a Nigerian wedding, let’s wear asoebi and shake Abuja, my city😂. I want the olopo women, my asoebi babes, the Yoruba mummies with their bright makeup and dramatic outfits. I need the loud music, the jollof rice and all the fluff and drama Nigerian weddings come with. No matter how many cities I live in, Naija is home abeg. Life is jaiye and Sergè can’t dull me.

I spent a few weeks in Paris with his family and I truly felt at home. Every now and again, when I look at my life and the roads that have led me here I’m incredibly grateful to God. Paris was filled with home cooked meals, fine dining, a lot of brunches with his lovely sister. I have so much fancy, upscale treasures from his sweet mum, Maman riche. Business conversations, loud arguments and rum with his dad. Trips to all the romantic monuments, the museums and corny touristy locations with my Lover, Serge. At the time the pilot called me that our jet was waiting, I kept crying, I didn’t want to leave Paris anymore. I’ve been trying to convince Serge to open a business in Paris so we have reasons to travel there more.

Lately, work has been stressful and overwhelming. Although it’s my brainchild and I’ve spent years building this beautiful company, I’m in a space where I want to take a backseat with my company. It’s hard, hard work. Serge and I have been discussing babies, what we want our family to look like, long term goals, how to make our busy lives work and ensure our partnership grows. I’ve never felt as much peace as I do now. God really gave me my best friend, my soulmate, someone I align with wholesomely, God bless God sha. My Ori is very strong😋

Apart from the big ways we show up for each other, the little things really warm my heart, when I’m studying on the balcony and he brings me some freshly squeezed juice. Or, the days I come in from a hard day at work and he’s ran a bath for me and called a masseuse to finish work on my body. Serge prays for me like my mum prays for me, he prays over my business, my family, my life phew! The cold winter nights where we sit in silence by the fireplace, reading, stealing glances at each other, offering sly smiles. I just can’t believe this is my life o. Thank God it didn’t work out with anyone else.

I’ve gotten him a gift; I know he will love it mostly because of the location and how much he loves the city. We have dinner on Friday night- our routine and I’m gonna tell him about the gift. 

‘Mon papi guess what? Your gift is a yacht, it’s customized in your name and it’s in Amalfi coast, Italy. I love how vulnerable we are with each other, how safe I feel, how everything truly makes us laugh. I can see how pleasantly surprised he is, he grins ear to ear, his eyes light up. This makes my heart warm man. We take a walk after dinner, my small arms in his bigger, firmer ones. This right here is everything.

Serge has a business trip scheduled in the Maldives and the past few weeks have been crazy busy so he offered me to come along so I can rest a bit. I’ve never been so I’m excited. The flight was pretty uneventful, he spent most of the time cuddling and holding me as I slept off in his arms, my body was tired!  We planned to also have a quiet Christmas here. I’m just excited to sleep tbh, it’s been a mad year.

Personally, I actually genuinely like to rest on vacation, Serge on the other hand loves to go everywhere. He succeeds in dragging me out on Christmas Eve to see the city lights. I grab my camera, I’m wearing my lil Christmas onesie with my hair packed in a bun, Serge is wearing his lil matchy matchy onesie too-gifts from Dior😋. We get to this pretty place and Serge asks me to check out the view; it’s pretty so I grab my camera to take pictures. Serge comes behind me, holds my waist, kisses my neck and goes- it’s yours baby.

I’m still cracking my lame jokes and taking pictures. Serge gently prises the camera out of my hands, puts it back in the car, pulls my face up to look at him, tenderly holds my cheek and goes Mon Ami, I bought you this island. The papers are in the car, that’s the business meeting I came for, my lawyers will finish the paperwork tomorrow. The spas, hotels, shops, ships, restaurants everything on this island belongs to you my Yommie.You can rest now. I’m hyperventilating, tears are flowing freely from my face, my nose is a mess(Viola Davis) style, I can’t believe this is my reality. Merry Christmas babe, this is forever.

Love found me.

God when, not God anyhow.

Sidenote: I’m going to keep writing my fairytale love stories and letters  until I’m tired and guess what? Nobody can beat me😂.

If you want to know how Serge and I met please comment below. Also, where do you think we should do our wedding please?

Your favorite neighborhood slay queen,


25 thoughts on “Siri, When Will I Marry?”

  1. Lol, when I read Serge I pronounced it as Sege (As in Shege of Segun) at first before catching myself that this should be pronounced in a “Frenchy” way.

    This is a great story, making me feel gbish gbish inside. One thing for sure, the story allows you to use your mental image and relate based on your personal experience. It reminds me of the Fifty Shades novel series with the love, scenes, and gift exchanges.

    How and where did you meet Serge?

    1. It’s Serge please o😂😂😂, thank you soo much for reading it, means so much to me.

      I’ll tell the story about how and where I met Serge soon👀😋

  2. You should have two weddings 🌚
    Yommie and Serge in the city of love, then we can shut things down Naija style. I want to know how you met the love of your life. All I can say is “My creator when?”

    1. Sis this is fiction so me too I’m saying ‘God when’🥺🙏, this idea is so nice and creative, that’s what I’ll tell him to do😂😂

  3. This is a great story. Caught myself saying “this babe is living my dream. God when!!!”, then I remembered it’s fiction 😂.
    Please tell us how you met Serge 😁

  4. God when not God anyhow oo is such a BIG prayer 😂😂
    Omo a whole island? What do we call you now? Mayor Alhaja Gold or…?
    Please have the wedding on the island. There won’t be any mogbomoya at the wedding. Except they’re from the ocean and GOD FORBID!

    1. That’s the prayer sisss!!😂😂😂, mhmm International Alhaja Gold😂❤️❤️❤️❤️.

      Maybe we will do two venues 👀

  5. I love this so much. I just kept shouting God when through it all. Give us more Serge content please, this is talent!!!! ❤️❤️

  6. The entire flipping islanddddddddddd!!!
    This is absolutely amazing writing, reading each paragraph felt like i was watching a 60s rom com! Loved it so much.
    Fairytale or not, all these can happen for you and i’ll love to see it.
    Naija wedding please !!! Heck! Do 2 weddings, show everyone you have two heads, they cant beat you!
    Please how did you meet brother Segun, sorry, Sergé

    1. Amennnnnnnn, I’m taking this prayer very seriously o🥺🙏🙏🙏, thank you so much Tobi!!!
      Two weddings then we moveee!🎊🎊🎊 Nobody can beat meee.

      I’ll write about how I met him soon👀

      1. Damn, you write so well. I’m a writer too but I must say I love the way you give details to everything 🤗 most especially the way you describe Nigerian weddings. This is beautiful, Biko I want an island too and I’m getting it and that’s on period 😂 😍

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