‘My recipe for life is not being afraid of myself, afraid of what I think or of my opinions.‘- Eartha Kitt
Lately, I’ve become intrigued with Eartha Kitt, her life, her journey, her experiences and her story. I saw a lot of myself in her and I loved how much in tune she was with herself. There’s something beautiful about people who don’t depend on others for validation or acceptance, people who create their own reality. That’s what I found super rad about Eartha.
She loved her daughter fiercely and passionately, the way I aspire to love my children and according to her daughter, she left notes all around the house, on sticky notes, tissue paper, receipts, everything and she told her not to throw them away as they’ll guide her through life- a wise woman, I stan!
As women, society tells us what to and what not to do, people have sex, it happens but everyone wants to be hush hush about it. In the course of my really short life, I’ve learnt a couple of things from experience and from shared stories, here are a 10 things I’ll like my daughter to know about sex;
1. Whoever you choose to fall in love with, as far as the person is a genuinely good and decent individual who has your best interests at heart, I support you.
2. You don’t give a man sex, you have sex, you and him, it’s a collaboration. Consent is always key, if there’s no consent that’s rape.
3. Your orgasm is as important as your partners orgasm, whatever is worth doing is worth doing well, go hard or go home.
4. Your body belongs to you and you alone and you have full ownership and autonomy over your body, you’re allowed to say no, you’re allowed to lose interest mid way and your body and choices should be respected.
5. People lie, all the time, don’t overthink these things, if a partner bails after sex, their loss my queen, you’re amazing regardless.
6. Look at his hands, his finger nails, if his nail beds are dirty, he should not have access to your body, look at his environment, look at his teeth, look at everything, personal hygiene is key.
7. Go to the doctor a lot, make sure you’re comfortable, express yourself, get checked, make sure your partner gets checked too. Use protection(can’t stress this enough). Pee after sex.
8. There is nothing shameful about being a sexual person, it’s normal, it’s enjoyable, have fun(if that’s what you want).
9. If you didn’t orgasm, it didn’t happen. Also, a big penis doesn’t mean he knows what he’s doing, more often than not it’s just painful sex.
10. It’s okay to be celibate, it’s your body and you have full autonomy and control over it, don’t let anyone try to tell you what you should/shouldn’t do with it.
11. Casual sex is overrated.
I wrote 11 things instead of 10 because that’s the kind of mum I’m gonna be- extra.
Your friendly neighborhood slay queen 👑